Gorilla Marries a Woman, Has Children, and Lives Happily Ever After

In what experts are calling “the most surprising wedding since the royal family adopted a corgi as an honorary prince,” a gorilla named Mr. Bananas tied the knot with a human woman named Linda Thompson last Saturday. The ceremony, held at the Sunny Jungle Sanctuary, was attended by 200 guests, half of whom arrived swinging from tree branches.

Linda, known for her adventurous spirit and questionable taste in online dating, insists the romance began unexpectedly. “I just wanted to volunteer at the zoo,” she said, “but he brought me a coconut instead of flowers. That’s when I knew he was different.”

Mr. Bananas, a 450-pound silverback, arrived at the altar wearing a custom-tailored tuxedo—though he did eat the bow tie twice before the ceremony began. The couple exchanged vows, rings, and one banana smoothie, symbolizing eternal partnership and shared snacks.

The story gets even more unbelievable. Within a year, the couple welcomed three children: two energetic twin boys who can climb anything, including the refrigerator, and a daughter who already speaks fluent “gorilla grunt.” Pediatricians are still deciding whether to write a medical journal or simply retire early.

Despite the unusual arrangement, the family reports that life at home is surprisingly peaceful. Mr. Bananas handles the heavy lifting—literally—while Linda manages the schedules, school lunches, and the occasional banana shortage emergency. Their home has been renovated to include ceiling swings, reinforced furniture, and a “no chest-thumping before 7 a.m.” rule.

Neighbors say the family is delightful, though slightly noisy. Mail carriers, however, have requested hazard pay.

As for the happy couple, they say they wouldn’t change a thing. “Love is love,” Linda says, smiling as Mr. Bananas lovingly hands her another coconut. And so, in the strangest and sweetest fairytale ever told, the gorilla-human family lives happily—and loudly—ever after.